A Simple Prayer

My Testimony

The heaviness of my boyfriend’s oppression was weighing fully on my chest. His hands were firmly grasped around my neck as he once again tried to convince me he was right. He was always right. How had I forgotten?  Stars appeared before my eyes, and tears welled up and tumbled freely down my cheeks.  Would I survive this time?

A Simple Prayer

I gasped for air. Even after he lifted his weight from my chest, I could still feel the heaviness. I can’t do this anymore. I would either die by my own hands or by his. How had I gotten here? I was always the strong one; the confident one. After my parents’ divorce, my spiralizing downward felt uncontrollable.  I disappeared into someone I didn’t recognize anymore.  As I lay on the musty smelling carpet, I wept. In desperation, I cried out to God. “Please, help me get away to change my path.  I can’t do this on my own.”  I never realized how that simple prayer would change my life.

My Past

Two years earlier, when I was fifteen, my parents divorced. After the divorce, it was like the glue that held my life together became brittle and piece by piece my life came apart.  Although they were careful to take care of my physical needs, my parents never realized the emotional void I was experiencing as they dealt with their own problems.

Filling the Void

To fill that void in my life, I looked to boys to find love. I would be whomever they wanted me to be just so they would stay. To squelch the feelings of hurt and loneliness, Marijuana became my best friend; Cocaine an acquaintance. When I was high, I was either happy or numb. Anything was better than my real feelings.

That night, I found myself once again being who someone else wanted me to be. And as I lay on the floor, my hair wet from my tears and my clothes damp from fear, I knew I could not keep going down the same path.

 Childhood Faith

As a child, my neighbors had taken me to church. They talked of a God who was real. Who loved me and wanted to be a part of my life through salvation in Jesus.  At nine years old, I accepted Christ as my Savior. When I was fifteen, however, I turned away from Him in disobedience. Now that I was seventeen, scared and alone, I desperately needed to know He was still there.

God Heard Me

Three weeks after I prayed that prayer, I realized God had heard me. You see, although my path was very different than when I was a child, I stayed in Girl Scouting.  I believe I used scouting as a tether to my past which I loved and wanted to remember. Consequently, it was through scouting I was given the opportunity to spend two weeks in Hawaii with a troop from another area. I knew no one, yet I could not, I would not pass up the opportunity to travel to the one place I had dreamed of. So, I used my graduation money, took out a small loan with my grandmother’s help, and headed to Hawaii.

Hawaii

 Sitting on the Hawaiian beach was surreal. The sun warmed my soul as a gentle breeze blew off the ocean and puffy white clouds lazily drifted by.  With each wave, my body and mind relaxed; I started letting go of my troubles at home.  It made me feel hopeful that my life could once again be happy.   I could almost remember what happiness felt like as it danced on the edges of my mind.

 While in Hawaii, I got to know a seventeen-year-old guy named Brian. He was a part of our large group. His mother was one of our chaperones. Whenever he was nearby, I felt pulled to him like a magnet. And true to a magnet’s character, we were polar opposites. He was nothing like the guys I was usually attracted to. The ones who loved their Harleys and wore leather jackets.  His six-foot frame towered over my five feet. He had broad shoulders and a muscular physique that you could tell came from hard work.  He had a farm-boy innocence about him, and although he was visibly strong, he was gentle.

Trusting Another

I found myself sharing my story of abuse with Brian. There was just something in his eyes that made me believe I could trust him. I had never even hinted to anyone about the abuse I endured. I knew they would judge me. He listened attentively and did not judge. He showed me compassion, treated me as if I was worth something, and listened as if what I had to say was important. Most significantly, he liked me for me. 

Strength to Change

Excitement filled me when he asked for my phone number on the last day.  But reality quickly slammed me hard in the chest and fear reared its ugly head. If the one back home found out, this gentle guy would be in danger not to mention what it would mean for me. Shrugging off the fear, however, I gave in to my hopes. Brian knew my story. He knew the risk and was willing to take it. That day, he unknowingly gave me the strength to go back home and make the changes to my life I needed.

God’s Hand

My journey to freedom was not easy, but as I look back over that first year of change, I can see God’s hand intricately weaving the plans for me to escape. I look back and realize how God had to take Brian and me out of our everyday life. He had to bring us to a place of tranquility to be drawn together. Otherwise, I would have never seen what my life was intended to be. Through this, I’ve learned that God is trustworthy.

God was Waiting

 I know now that God had been waiting for me to reach out to Him that day. He had been waiting for a long time. After all, God is a gentleman; He doesn’t want to impose Himself on anyone. He always waits to be invited. It’s part of the free will He has given us. I truly believe if I had not cried out to God that day, I would either be strung out on drugs and heading to jail, or dead. Instead, I’ve had a beautiful thirty-four years married to that guy I met in Hawaii, the one who loves me for who I am. The one whom the Lord brought into my life because of a simple prayer.